So my first miracle is 3 years 2 months and 3 days old today..(but who's counting?lol)
I swear to you, time is just flying by.....I get soo sad thinking about how she will be starting pre-school soon after the baby comes...**cries and screams "it's not fair"**. She is soo smart and beautiful...I am so blessed...I love that little girl more than anything in this whole world! She is my reason for wanting to see tomorrow and for remembering yesterday! I never thought I could love someone as much as I do my husband...but I do...The weird thing is...It's a love you can't describe...you can't put into words how much you love your child...there aren't enough words in the english language...I am just so anxious and excited to see what kind of person she grows up to be, and the decisions/choices she decides to make...whatever her choices, I will stand behind her 100%. I just want her to be happy..I want her to know that no matter what people say, never lose the real Haeleigh, God made "YOU" the way you were supposed to be...never lose touch with that...she has the most incredable personality, and the most awesome sense of humor...always trying to make somebody laugh...and I LOVE that about her...I just hope she doesn't feel the need to change herself for acceptance...esp during middle/high school...It is tough...It was hard on me and I know in the years to come it will get even harder...I just hope she stays true to herself, but if she does stray the path, rest assured mommy will be there to bring her back...
Me and my mother never had a great relationship....she always tried to be my "friend" instead of my mother....I really needed a mom...I mean I love my mom to death..but there were critical points in my life where I wished she would have stepped up to the plate and just been a mother..I had pleanty of friends, I only have 1 mother...I know she feels guilty about it now, and I forgive her for it, but a little part of me still holds a small grudge...I know I shouldn't but It's how I feel and I can't change that...Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she was a "bad" mother..NO! she was a great mother, when she accually "was" one..
I want me and Haeleigh to have what me and my mom never had...I will be her "friend" to an extent...but when I need to be a mother, you better believe I'm gonna be her mother...I feel as if I wouldn't of done some of the stupid things I did when I was a kid, if she had been there to give me advice or questioned where I was going..instead of just letting me do whatever I wanted...
I do not regret my daughter one bit, but I didn't finish High School b/c I was pregnant and got married at 18...I don't want her to look back at that and think she "ruined" my life....in fact she did quite the opposite...she gave me a reason to live...I may not have a diploma, or my later teenage years to do what I wanted, worry-free...but I have the best gift of all, and that is her. I don't regret anything in my past...because what has happened to me has made me into the person I am today...I have made my fair share of mistakes and I openly admit that...but like I said it has made me a stronger, better person, mother and wife...
I know this is just pointless rambling...but I felt as if I needed it off my chest...sorry if I bored the living out of you..haha :)
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